Here I stand at the edge of 40…
Last year on my (38th) birthday I wrote:
”I’m so excited for whatever this year may bring”…
And now I almost regret those words.
Had I known it was my very last year I’d enjoy with my husband here on earth, I would have lived my life quite differently.
I can’t say I’m excited about what is ahead.
Frankly, I’m nervous.
My hopes and dreams of years past all involved my dear Wesley (gosh, I love saying his name).
Now it feels as if those hopes and dreams have been stolen from me, making me feel hopeless and lost.
I’m almost desperate for new hopes, goals, and dreams and the only one I can come up with is to “just move” and cling to Jesus.
To get out of bed each morning.
To eat.
To shower.
To do something!
You know, almost like a teenager.
So as I stand at the edge of 40.
I pray that this next year is kind to me.
I pray that I find the strength (with the help of God) to move forward in my own little way.
To be able to find a new norm.
I also pray for kindness and patience from my family and friends through this process.
And I pray for my faith to endure this and for this not to break me.
I never imagined I’d start the last year of my 30’s grieving the man I love.
I miss him dearly.
I wish he was here, celebrating my birthday, showering me with the love that I grew so accustomed to.
Ugh, 39!
I’ll be tip-toeing around you, please be kind.
(photos from birthdays past)
