01/03/1973 – 02/18/20
Many of you have asked me what exactly happened to my husband Wesley. I haven’t replied to most questions because honestly, it’s painful to have to relive the moment over and over again. From now on I will be directing people to this blog post. I hope you understand.
My husband, the love of my life, passed away a month ago today (02/18/20).
He was in a minor car accident on 2/01/20 which resulted in 3 broken ribs, a subdural hematoma, and a fractured fibula. That fracture, something so minor, is what took his life.
Long story short, and only short because I am unable to type it all out without bawling…
The fractured fibula resulted in DVT. The blood clot eventually (17 days later) traveled to his lungs and then to his heart and stopped it.
The day he passed away was a pretty normal day. We were running errands. Then we came home, he went to the bathroom, I heard a loud thunk and a moan.
I ran to the bathroom. He had collapsed on the ground. He was conscious but struggling to breathe. I held his hand asked him to squeeze if he couldn’t breathe.
He squeezed hard.
I called 911 in a panic. He looked scared. I ran next door to see if our neighbor who’s a nurse was home but he wasn’t home. I yelled for help. Our other neighbor heard me. She and her mom ran inside our apartment and took over the 911 call.
I feared that my husband was dying.
When the ambulance took him I had hope. He was conscious and following instructions. When he got to the hospital though, he struggled. The ICU doctor said to me
“He’s very, very sick. He could die.”
I’ll never forget how cold she sounded when she said this. My entire family was there. He was responsive but hooked up to a machine. I wanted to make sure he knew we were all there so I asked my brother to make sure to tell him we were all there.
At some point, the nurse said “I don’t like what his heart is doing” and suddenly about 15 people came running into his room and started prepping the defibrillator.
“Code Blue” I hear over the loudspeaker.
They get a heartbeat.
And then they rush him to Interventional Radiology.
We (my family and a few close friends) wait in the family room.
3O minutes or so later we hear over the loudspeaker “Code Blue.”
Ugh! I knew it was for him.
About an hour later the doctor comes back in with a social worker. It was just like in the movies.
“I’m sorry Mrs. Knoblock.”
We all knew what that meant.
We were all in tears.
Our friends, our pastor, my family!
This is not how we planned it!
We planned to live to 90. We were so good to our bodies. Him more so than I. We ate right. Exercised. Kept a mainly holistic lifestyle.
He had already been through so much with his health, so we made all the changes to live a quality life. When our friends would tell us to enjoy life because we are all going to die anyway we often said:
“Sure we are all going to die, but HOW do you want to die?”
Neither one of us wanted a long dreadful, cancerous sickly, difficult death.
And in a sense, he really didn’t have to die. I believe his death could have been prevented. He had left the hospital 3 days prior. Something happened, they missed something. I really think they missed something BIG!
He was a “walking miracle” as his doctor once said.
He survived a massive heart attack in 2010 that should have killed him.
He survived a massive brain bleed in 2014 that should have killed him.
He was a fighter.
I know he must have fought hard.
I wonder what he was thinking as he was dying.
I hope he knew I was there.
I wish I could have been right next to him as he took his last breath.
I was able to see him on the bed one last time. Never did I think I would have to say goodbye to my husband’s lifeless body. I hugged him. I told him I was sorry that he had passed the way he did.
My days have been long since his passing.
Most of them are a blur.
I’ve cried myself to sleep and woken up in tears. My body and soul hurt. And slowly it kills me that I am starting to get used to life without him.
Wesley believed in Jesus. And I know he’s rejoicing in Heaven. That is the only thing that keeps me going. That I know I will see him again someday.
1 Thessalonians 4:17
Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord.